I think that was the number one thing I needed in the very beginning. I just needed to know that there was at least a handful of Families out there that lived to tell about their run in with sex addiction. I kept asking, Please God, will we make it? Well, I decided to shut out the outside world for about a year and kind of hibernated with my Family. My Husband was focused on his recovery and how to make me feel safe. The kids were being kids and the two oldest were coming to terms with what Dad had done. *****Oh yeah, I didn’t share that story with you…..yeah the oldest kiddos found out. I’ll tell you that story and our STD scare later this week. :)***** And I was trying not to have a mental breakdown from dealing with past traumas that resurfaced after the discovery of my Husband’s sex addiction.
We found a therapist that specializes in sex addiction, that was the number one thing that I would suggest you to do if you suspect your Husband or Wife has a sex addiction. We also made the commitment to our Lord that we would attend church weekly and read our Bible as daily as we could. We also bought the Love Dare book. I have a ton of books that I need to post a page of them on the blog. So many books that gave us hope and educated us. I’m working right now on a post about the difference between sex addiction and just a spouse that cheats. Do you know the difference? I sure didn’t in the beginning.
So, the number one thing is to find a specialized therapist for sex addiction, find the Lord and commit yourselves to recovery and education about sex addiction. I know that last one may seem crazy and a little ridiculous as your loosing your mind right now. But, it takes commitment and a decision to make it work. My Husband was emotionally and verbally abusive to all of us for years. I didn’t truly want to be in my marriage and when this happened I thought the Lord had given me a way out finally and I wouldn’t have to feel guilty. But, after he gave himself to the Lord a few days after I found everything out he was a different man. He sounded different, he looked different, he was taking responsibility and was working on restitution. So, I had to choose between walking away free as a bird or dig in and see what kind of man God truly had made him to be. And I thank God every single day that I stayed.
I stayed with a few stipulations in place. First of all I could decide to leave at any time and literally for any reason! I knew in the Bible the Lord gave me a way out because of my Husband’s infidelity. And if he at any time stopped working on his recovery I was out the door. And if I thought he was acting out again, his bags were packed. So, this wasn’t easy street for him at all. But, I needed to know I was safe, my kids were safe. So, we had a ton of rules and boundaries that we made together to ensure our Family was taken care of.
I knew I needed to Forgive him and by doing that, the Lord would give me Courage and Hope. Here are a few verses that encouraged me to Forgive. And with reading them and praying about them I knew the Lord would have wanted me to at least Forgive my Husband even if he was not to be my Husband forever. I was kind of cleaning up My side of the Street as the saying goes. 🙂
Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 18: 21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? “Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
1 Corinthians 13:4 – 6 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (I have this up in my Bedroom)
Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Matthew 5:23-24 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”
With Forgiveness I was able to pass on the judgement part to the Lord. And by doing that I was able to free up my heart to heal and with all the extra space I was able to Love again. Love myself, my Kids and to Love my Husband…..
Recovering in Suburbia 