So, I have to share our weekend with ya’ll. The Valentine part was wonderful….honestly my Hubby was extra sweet to the whole Family all weekend long. But, I want to share a little trigger that happened so you can understand that just because time has passed since discovery, recovery is avidly worked on and your relationship is stronger then ever….triggers and situations are still going to happen.
Monday morning my Husband was off work and he told me that after breakfast he wanted to take me somewhere. My Husband has never been romantic, spontaneously sweet or affectionate in the past. So, this was new side of him and I was totally into it, like a kid at Christmas. After he made breakfast we got ready, kissed the Kiddos goodbye and left. He told me then that we were going to look at and hopefully buy a patio swing that I had been wanting since we moved to this area 15 years ago. 😀 I was so excited…..we held hands and chatted all the way to a few local stores that would carry a swing. We found some, but honestly I wasn’t impressed and we decided later in the season maybe we would be able to find something at Sams Club or Costco. After deciding to look online for one and putting off the purchase for today he thought a lunch date was in order and I agreed.
We headed to a sushi place we hadn’t been to in 8 years, it was close to home so we thought we would bypass our normal place. We go in, sit down, converse with the waiter and then we look down at the menus. I don’t eat sushi, so I was looking at the plates and salads. My Hubby makes this weird sound and I look up at him and he had a disgusted look on his face mixed with a little sadness, he looked like there was a picture of his dead beloved dog from childhood. He then told me that the names of the sushi rolls were all tasteless to say the very least. I of course had to look…..why, why look!?!?!?! I was so shocked and embarrassed that it took 15 minutes before I could even look at my Husband in the face. There were kids in that restaurant with menus referencing affairs, sexual acts and professions that I would never want my young kids to read about. Immediately I felt anger and I thought old feelings toward my Husband. He apologized that I had to see that and asked me if I wanted to leave. Since I was angry inside I didn’t want to leave, I knew that I needed to control my anger and not let it win and ruin our time together. So, I told him how I was feeling and that I loved him, but right now I have a flood of reminders of what he did and that makes my heart so heavy with grief. He reminded me that was all in the past when he wasn’t in his right mind. When he wasn’t present and walking with God. That today he is present and loves his Family more then anything and working his Recovery every day. I appreciate his willingness to stand in the fire and reach out for me to bring me back to a safe place. I respect my Husband so much you guys. He is an amazing Husband, Father and Child of God. 🙂
We started talking about the weekend, our Summer plans and about everything that is positive and good in our lives. We were able to eat our meal and leave hand in hand. We were determined to not let addiction suck away our joy. And even though we have moments in time when we are triggered or ceased with fear, shame and anger we are Determined to use our Marriage to Glorify God. We will Not surrender our Marriage to addiction…..we are prepared to Fight, Fight, Fight!!